Week 4

Chicago at Detroit:
Ding-dong the Rex is dead! The formerly frightened Bears fans flood the streets in happiness and joy, then they realize the Brian Griese is now their quarterback. Dont get me wrong, Griese will be an improvement, but not the huge leap forward that the keilbasa-ingesting fanatics camping out at Soldier Field right now hope him to be. The best Griese can do is to make some room to allow Cedric Benson to finally start producing for my fantasy...for the Bears offense. But this will be a hard game for the Bears to win against the offensive juggernaut that is the Detroit Lions. Well, at least Kitna and his boys. The one-dimensional attack of the Lions will be hard for the injury-ravaged Chicago secondary to stop, with Peanut and Vasher out. If these guys were playing, I would easily pick Chicago to end Detroits Cinderfella story. But this game, like every other game in the history of the NFL, will be decided in the trenches, where the Bears may be missing two more critical players on D, Tommie Harris and Lance Briggs. I dont see much coming out of Detrot on the ground, but they really can hurt Chicago through the air. This will be one of the closer games of the week. Im not ready to call Detroit a good team, so I gotta take Chicago in a squeaker.
BEARS 21-20 (They wont cover)


Pittsburgh at Arizona
Well, things look rosy in the 'burgh these days. We have the best RB in football, a practically mistake-free QB, and maybe the most-explosive player in the NFL (Holmes). I am confident enough in this team that Im at the point where I can get stupid drunk during the first half of the game and not worry that I am going to miss an exciting second half. In fact, because Mahatma (and last week Devo) keep dragging me back to the same bar with the $30 all you can drink special, I really cant remember the second half of any of the Steelers' games so far this year. And thats ok with me. But this week we turn to face our past in Arizona, where Ken Wisenhunt and Russ Grimm are trying to prove that the Rooneys made a mistake in hiring Mike Tomlin instead of their chapped white asses. I dont see it happening. The Cardinals are on their way up(and have been for the last 4 years), but its going to take a lot more than what they have to stop the Steelers steamroller. Matt Leinart and Kurt Warner may be sharing snaps this Sunday, and Ill bet both of them are going to have equally shitty stats. Edge James is they only guy who could win this game for 'zona, but wont be able to because hes the only guy who can win the game for them and thus will be boxed in by the Steelers so far impenetrable D. I did want to address something that was said in the Daily News about Matt Leinart( and in the fine journalistic traditions of subway chatter, I cant remember who said it or which day of this week it was). This columnist said something to the effect that Arizona is 1-2 because Matt Leinart has an enormous ego and doesnt take football seriously. Well, maybe all the embarassing Leinart articles are getting buried by the liberal media establishment, or the conservative media establishment for that matter, but I havent heard one thing about Leinart staying out too late or being a bad student during training camp, or fighting dogs or punching strippers. So, unnamed Daily News correspondent, dont impugn the character of this guy unless you have proof that hes missing practice because hes having a three-way with LiLo and Paris. All that being said, Leinart is still gonna lose this game, and badly. STEELERS 31-13 (The 'burgh will cover)